It's the End of the World as we Know It

Guess what. It's true. The Weekly World News is closing down. It's all over the AP Wire today (what does that say about our Media outlet??*) and they will from now on be on-line only. No more Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos peering at us from the checkstands. No more great journalism about how Jesus' Missing Sandal was found in Central Park. Worst of all, no more updates on what BatBoy has been up to lately. How will we know what Bigfoot is doing? And with the election coming up, how will we keep abreast of which Presidential Cantidates are robots?

It's a sad, sad day for "journalism" in America when such a foundation of our global education is shutting it's doors. Sure, we can see all the same great stories at their web page, but in a world of Internet Spastics and Oddities, will they stand out? This writer thinks no. Somehow with you have such bizarre items at your fingertips, "Redneck Zombies terrorizing parts of Mississippi" don't have the same draw. After 28 years of the stories that other publications wern't brave enough to cover will forever be leaving our checkstands.

I suppose I can't blame the WWN staff: they reported $106 million in net losses for the fiscial year of 2006, and they have just over $1 billion in debt at this time. But if we don't get pictures of black-eyed-Bill after getting in a fistfight with an alien over Hillary, will society as we know it continue? Sadly, no. We shall be forced to instead read about what female celebrity has gained 40 lbs, and who got a boob job, and who Bradjeleena is adopting now while we purchase corn on the cob and Ritz crackers. This reporter fears for the livelyhood of other such publications as the National Enquirer who lost almost 400,000 readers from 2004 through 2006. Who is going to pick up the slack? Us Weekly? Star? The O Magazine?? We as Americans have a responsibility to provide the upkeep for such amazing periodical papers that brought us such gems as "Dentist uses UFO metals in patient's tooth" and "Man bothered by alien telemarketers." Maybe America is loosing it's sense of whimsey. How, then, do you explain the success of books such as the Harry Potter series and the Star Wars books (that are still being written and sold, by the way - still!)? One can only wonder.

I, for one, tip my hat to the Weekly World News. Anything that can keep going for 28 wonderful years deserves some mention. Cheers to the fiction writers (I mean journalists) who have kept us from thinking for the few minutes we stand in line at Safeway. Cheers to the editors who thought to themselves "could the Pope really be talking to aliens?" and gave us a resounding yes! WWN: you will be missed.

* the other big AP Wire news story is about a woman in Germany who walked into a petrol station and bought a pack of smokes wearing only a gold bracelet and a pair of gold high heeled shoes. She wasn't charged with a crime because no one called the police with a complaint. I'm serious - do a Yahoo! search for "german nude petrol station" and see what comes up. It's being reported all over the globe.