This isn't the Blog I foreshadowed last night: I forgot my camera so the pics I was going to post are at home. Instead here's Jesus at the door.
Like Stan Braufloskey on South Park, I learned something this week. I learned that when it comes to my friends and social situations, I don't have to be a producer. I don't have to manufacture a good time or plan out much of anything, I just have to be there and enjoy the company of my friends.
See, you might now know this, but being pregnant makes you really tired. And taking care of a pregnant lady makes you really tired. It also takes up a whole lot of time. So when friends invite us out or we want to invite people over, I tend to try to "maximize" the experience since we don't have time to hang out often. Here's the problem: I turn it into a production. I think "I haven't seen my old roommate Michelle in a long time - we should have her over Saturday night!" Then on Saturday I have to add to my to-do list. I took my list for the day (roll the final coat of green in the baby's room, do the final yellow touch-up in the baby's room, install the closet shelf system in the baby's room, remove the caulk on my tub and re-do it, deep-clean my bathroom, do three loads of laundry, make Gina a nice lunch, buy and cut the chair rail pieces for the baby's room and paint the first coat of white on them, move my guitars and my keyboard into the new Office, take a load of junk to the Goodwill, and take a load of music equipment over to my Mom's) and add the items that need to be done in order to have the house ready for dinner and a movie with Michelle: move all the baby stuff out of the living room, pick up the rest of the crap in the living room and vacuum, do a quick-clean of Gina's bathroom, wipe down the kitchen cabinets and countertop, run the dish washer, put away the clean pots and pans on the kitchen counter, run to Safeway so we have a couple of dinner options to choose from, buy some regualr beer for me and Michelle and some non-alcoholic beer for Gina, clean out the fridge and take out the garbage, dust the TV and entertainment center, organize the pile of crap in the back hallway that has no home since the baby's room is a construction site, and take another show and shave. Whew!
I felt like I had to add all that stuff because I haven't seen Michelle in a couple of months - I know, that's sad since we used to LIVE together, but I've got a baby coming and she was in school fill-time and going to school full-time. Anyway, I had to try to get the first part of the list done first since that was the origional list. Yea, I didn't get done. I even moved some stuff to Sunday and still didn't get done. Michelle was supposed to be at our house around 6:30 and at 6:15 I found myself wishing she wasn't coming because I didn't get enough done and the house wasn't ready. I didn't get ANYTHING on the secong list done, so the house was trashed, we didn't have much food in the house, and I was un-shaven. I wanted to back out, but Michelle had already left her house and was on the way.
When she got to our house, It...Was...Awesome! She didn't care that our house was a mess: she missed us and we missed her! We did go to Safeway as a group for a few salad items and some beer, but that was all. I ended up making oven roasted chicken with celery, carrots, and onions in a balsamic vinegar/olive oil sauce with fresh sweet basil and Tai basil along side couscous with italian dressing and pureed yams with a savory herb demiglaze. Just stuff I had around the house.
We were going to watch a movie, but ended up just talking and then we watched one episode of South Park. It was simple, and really fun. Michelle wasn't pissed about the clutter in our house, and she wasn't grossed out by our bathrooms: we just enjoyed each other's company, and it was great.
Same kind of thing with Arwen, Paul and Julie on Friday: I "needed" a bunch of time to get ready, I "needed" to clean the inside and outside of my car since Arwen was riding with us (Paul and julie met us there), I "needed" to stress about how the Montage was because Paul and Julie had never been there and I had been talking it up...... I almost forgot to simply have fun.
On Sunday at church, I realized I do that way too much in my life: I make a huge production out of things and thendecide not to do them at all because I don't have time to "get ready." I do it with my friends and family, I do it with my wife, and I do it with God. I forget that all these people want is to spend time with me. It's nice every now and then to make it a big production, but it dosen't have to be that way every time we get together. I end up pushing those people away because I can't offer them something amazing. I forget that they never asked me for that: they asked to spend some time with me.
Remember that: Keep It Simple. I'm sure going to try to live that.
6 comments:
nice pink background.
I haven't read your blog yet, but here's the answer to your Safari conundrum:
the html doesn't convert. Some templates will work in both Explorer and Firefox (or safari or whatever the crap you kids use) but I haven't the time nor the patience to find and alter those. Getting a good looking template is hard enough (ok. I'm just nerdy enough that it's not hard, it's just so time consuming because I'm picky)
but there is no "fix" for this except for your using the program that you can see it in.
thanks for your concern,
arwen gordon: DBS3 Administrator.
now that I've read it, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you because you didn't clean your living room for me. It was a disaster. but I didn't judge you guys for it. :)
its hard to "just have people come over".... that's why I don't do it. Cause I'd stress just the way you do. I'd have to bleach the floors, make sure my sheets and all of my towels are clean, dust, water my plants and trim off anything that isn't green or supposed to be there, vacume several times, defrost the freezer, have an amazing meal planned, make sure that there is good music playing (my version of good, not my guest's...) and then I'd spend the whole time making sure that everyone is having a good time and not judging me.
even if it's just Ryan coming upstairs to borrow a movie.
so congrats to you, my friend, for coming to this self realization.
its the first step.
and please..... if your house has "binkies" and blankets and diapers all over the place, don't feel bad and don't apologize.
we know you're new parents, you have kids, and that sometimes "things fall thru the cracks."
to me, that just says that there are more important things in your life than cleaning your house.
and that's so totally ok.
end of longest comment/ blog ever.
I have the same to do list addiction. I make myself crazy (and the rest of the household, all of whom get conscripted for my projects--Bennett gets the floors wet by drooling, then someone else finishes by scrubbing), but I sometimes lose sight of the point of having people over. Unless it's my in-laws. I don't invite them over to enjoy their company, because that would be impossible--I invite them over to try to convince them that I'm not ruining Steve's life...which is a hard-sell if he's peeved about being forced to clean all day.
Of course, since we're trying to sell the house right now, the crazy deep cleaning is a daily thing. Which really bites, since no one even wants to come look at our house but we have to keep it ready anyway.
I admire you for realizing that your priorities are off. And once the house sells, I'm going to try to be a little less Martha-y myself.
hey chris......
let your lovely wife know that because of her, I bought a sack of pumpkin mallows.
and tag.
Tag? Am I it?
Gina - did you think about advertising your house offering "seller-assisted financing?" If you don't know what that means, let me know - I can break it down for you.
Dude! Your words were REALLLY valuable for Brenda & me. Thanks, pal.
Hmmm ... maybe we should just "drop in" one of these days! I like you just fine, Chris, but frankly we're missing Gina!
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