The more you know!

Public Service Announcement!
WARNING: you just might learn something.

I am a pretty amazing and awesome guy. That didn't happen by accident - it took years and years of training and education. Over the course of my life, I've learned some pretty important things. Big things. Life changing things.

I'm going to spend a few minutes dropping some Knowledge Nuggets on you all.
Some serious Knowledge Nuggets.
It took me the better part of my life to learn these things, but you can benefit from my extensive learning. I'm going to try to limit these tips to the ones that are most practical for every-day use. Enjoy.

Now, I'm all for equality, but dudes: you cannot nurse your babies!
Yes, women can do jobs that were formerly only achievable if you were a man, and right now as you read this some poor whipped sap is washing dishes or doing laundry or cooking dinner or one of the other woman's jobs, but you cannot nurse your babies. I can't stress that enough. If you find yourself thinking "Hey, my wife is off somewhere earning a living so our family has already committed a huge affront to God's Plan for the Family, maybe I can nurse my baby."
No: you cannot.
I want you to bookmark this page and refer back to the above picture if you ever start having doubts about your ability to nurse your offspring. Do it now. I'll wait.

It's too early to start planning for a Zombie attack, right?
WRONG!
It's that kind of thinking that will get you and your family eaten by Zombies. It's what the Zombies want you to think. Zombies are even more scheming than terrorists or computer hackers or Republicans. Zombies are the single biggest threat to America, I assume. They are worse than abortion, the war in Iraq, working mothers, and brussels sprouts combined and divided by four. DO NOT let yourself fall into the group of a billion American's who aren't Zombie ready. Again, bookmark this page and refer to the above picture to plan your Zombie Defense Plan (or ZDP). Hold weekly Zombie Attack Drills with your family. Your neighbors might laugh at you, but who will be laughing when little Suzie down the street is having her brains slurped up by your Mailman.....who's now a Zombie. You, that's who.

There comes a point in everyone's life where they have to ask themselves:
What would I do for love?
Your answer should be a resounding
"Anything.



Except that.


I won't do that."